From Today's Mailbag: Players, Cheaters And Womanizers

As Attract Your Dream Partner Expert for a major website, I get emails. Here's one from today's mailbag.

Dear Dating Coach:

Players, womanizers, men who cheat. You see them behave that way and then one day they meet a woman, marry her and change COMPLETELY. What does the woman do that makes her so special? I don't get it.

Signed: Curious

Dear Curious:

Fascinating, isn't it. I've seen it happen, you've seen it happen. They change like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.

I go over the protocol at length in my ebook Dating Success Manual for Women, but I'll discuss a few points briefly here.

Basically you must command respect. This is not the same thing as "demanding" respect. Respect you must earn. I'm not one of those to say everyone "deserves” respect. Some people just don’t. Not that I’d mistreat them, just that they act in such a way that they preclude being respected (like womanizers and ‘stringers’).

Like self-esteem, respect must be earned. Projecting this quality comes from inside, part of emotional intelligence if you will. The woman projects that she is not available for being treated that way. But it can’t be faked. It comes from the core, like when you mean business. The reason men string women along, is because women let them.

There's also the emotional intelligence competency of Intentionality. The woman INTENDS to be treated a certain way and for a certain thing to happen.

This is what you can do yourself. It can be learned.

There are always other variables, for instance the man's interest and attraction to this woman in the first place. Sometimes it's timing. They say men marry for two reasons-they're ready to marry, or they find the woman they "can't live without." As to ready-to-marry, I would say when they become intentional about marrying, they change their hunt-strategy and quit dating the other type of woman.

I had one male client announce to me after we talked about his dating and his sincere desire to settle down and get a wife, "I see. No more hotties." Male speak. (They know...)

Most men are happier in this state (believe it or not). They're just looking for The Woman to bring this out and allow it to happen.

It has nothing to do with spandex, cleavage, Pilates or breast-implants, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.

The woman respects herself, is authentic, and knows what she will and will not accept. She makes herself that special by NOT BEHAVING like the women he has found willing to be womanized upon, cheated on and played with.

In the book I give many specific examples, and ways of conducting yourself that facilitate this. For instance, never answer a "wink" on an Internet dating site. Never initiate. Don't respond to an email for at least 24 hours. Things like that. You build it in to the terms of your dating them in the first place.

There’s really only one rule that you cannot violate. The rest are bendable depending on the circumstances. But if you violate that one rule, you can never save the relationship.

If you've listened to dating stories of as many women as I have, it becomes fairly clear what works and what doesn't. Learning what to do often takes some tweaking because there's so much of the other going on.

P.S. Women will also disrespect a man who allows it. The door swings both ways.

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