Poor Relationships Can Be Blamed On Your Parents

If you having chronic problems in your relationships there is an important cause you might not have thought about. Have you ever heard the saying, “blame the parents”? Most of us have. Researchers have now shown that poor relationships are a product of an infant’s behavior at the age of one.

As study was started 21 years ago that looked at 78 infants and how they related to parents. If the child felt uncomfortable many of the infants turned to their mothers, other children took longer to settle down and still others refused to be calmed by their parents. How these infants acted so long ago predict their behavior in relationships today.

In many of the cases the parents were actually to blame for the way their children acted towards them. Even though in the study most of the parents acted like nurturing caregivers at home they may act differently. A certain percentage of them were angry when their infants cried, ignored them and handled them roughly. The infants learned whether or not they can rely on their parents for help.

Those that could not rely on their parents grew up knowing that they couldn’t rely on other people. They are more socially withdrawn, unlikely to trust people and more confrontational in how they dealt with people. This all sparks back to the early days and how parents treated them.

Jeffry Simpson, a psychologist from the University of Minnesota, says “you are more insecure when you are 1, you are more likely to experience more negative emotions in your relationship with your current partner when you are 21”.

The proof is in the pudding though. These same members of the study group 21 years ago were again tested with their significant others many years later after they had grown up. What the researchers found was that one could actually “blame their parents” for all their relationship problems.

Simpson went on to say, “We find if you are insecure at age 1, that predicts being rated as being less socially competent than your peers during grades one-two-three, which predicts less reliance on your best same-sex friend when you are upset at 16, which then predicts more negative emotion in a romantic relationship at age 21 to 23.”

Your parents, their raising style, how caring they are all helps in forming the child’s mind and its ability to trust other people. People, who are untrusting, have chronic bad relationships and treat each other poorly actually have strong family traits. These traits are psychological by nature.

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