Six Steps To Beneficial Discipline

Hmmmm. That's a thought provoking title isn't it?

One point that needs to be made from the start. Never discipline in anger.

I tell my daughter when things get too complicated, "You go to your room, I'll go to my room and I will come to get you when I have calmed."

Often times, she just went to sleep. There was a time when I found that very upsetting, how could she sleep when I'm so distressed?!?

In hind-sight, it was probably better for both of us that she did take a nap. It may have been her need of sleep that caused whatever the situation was in the first place. The situation may have been even better resolved if I had napped also.

But, alas, you know what they say about hind-sight.

Our first step in any situation is to call a family meeting. This is a solemn conversation, no TV, no CDs or DVDs; everyone sitting around the table face-to-face for the sole purpose of correcting this situation.

Our position is that our family is a team, if one of us has a problem, we all have a problem and we all will solve it.

Our second step is to let the family member with the problem explain it to the rest of the family in enough detail to come to a solution.

(The trick is to look very thoughtful, and not laugh, these stories take some interesting turns in order to cover the back side of the teller.)

Our third step is to ask the family member involved, what they think will best solve the problem.

This depending on the age of the child, usually involves beating up someone else's child, or the child's parent.

It is explained that the other family will take care of behavior problems in their family, and that is not our business. Families each have different cultures and rules that they are governed by and we have ours. We are concerned with behavior in our family. Each member of our family regardless of age will behave according to our morals and standards.

Our fourth step is to pray for guidance.

This is a short, to the point prayer, so that the person with the problem knows how much that they are loved and that we and God are always there for them to help them find truth and a good life. Thanking God for always being with the person with the problem and watching over them. (The child at this point is reconsidering their story.)

Step five is asking the person with the problem if there is anything more that they remember about what happened before we, as a family, decree what action we shall take. This will usually take you back to step three, now that the 'God is always with me' reminder has kicked in.

Step Six, finally.

My answer to beneficial discipline was to reinforce what the child was being taught in school at the time.

Our daughter only had one problem at school, when she was 6. She falsely accused another child of wrong-doing.

After going through the above process:

She had to write the alphabet X amount of times, presenting them to her father after each time for correction. If she skipped a letter, he threw it away without comment and it was redone.

I told her to write a story about a fictitious character who had done something that they shouldn't and what the consequences of that character's actions were. She then had to turn it in to her teacher.

The teacher told her that it would count for her grade for that marking period.

This is beneficial discipline, because it demonstrates to the child family support and values, religious values, and practical application of educational skills. By writing the story we were sure that she understood what was going on.

Discipline should not be violent, it should not be a show of dominance,it should be loving and educational.

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